Rhapsody in Wonderland

It sounds like a love song. in C minor.

It feels like a summer… breeze, hit right on the face.

It makes you don’t want to belong to you anymore, and suddenly your heart is half empty, as it were never whole before.

It’s terrifying like there’s a red scent in the air, that you don’t want to paint any sunsets alone ever again.

What was it? I guess it’s the feeling that you know only when you know it.

It’s the kind of ending you don’t really want to see. It’s never a clean break nor a good disclosure. It’s always gonna be a loose end, thus remains unfinished.

I felt sorry but I had no regrets. unfinished story or forgotten history, there I had used to be, always used to be. I could be Zoey or Cindy or Victoria or Stella.

though I’m tethered to the story I must tell, someday I knew I’d tell it well.

There was… a time when I was thinking to myself, what if some morning I wake up and realize that there must be something… something I really want, that I didn’t know before, and that I have to change something, or that everything is not the same ever again.

What if I have to let go of something I held onto all these time, not because it was getting in the way, but because it might turn to be another story if I do.

The day when all I ever wanted was gone, and I couldn’t wait, I couldn’t get enough. The day I realize what everything had meant for my life, what I really want to do with my life, what it is worth spending my time for.

So today, I didn’t literally woke up from asleep, I simply sat by the window watching the fate bring something into my mind. which it does.

Then I woke up the way I was thinking of.

It was quite surprising. But I guess it’s more shocking because I was simply stunned and smiled, feeling no regret for all the time I spent, I waste, I sacrificed, I waited too long. Maybe it’s a thank Alloh for the good in goodbye. I guess all I ever wanted was meeting a dead end, and I have to change the direction into a higher road.

I’ve been saying this for four times now, “I guess I’ll continue my journey,” … it’s a page worth writing for, but there’ll be more to my adventure book. That’s what I said, looking away out of the window.

Now that I don’t need no worries, Alloh has answered me clearly. So then one day I’ll forget about it, I’ll remember this place as a bittersweet picture of love and laughter with old good friends. And I’ll remember the beatles song as the picture me and my dad driving at night along. I’ll have a future, which has no it.

Back than I was plain crazy, thinking something could be. When I woke up in the end, it was hurt, but now I see. I could see.

It’s the second time that these things happened. I don’t really understand how. A cosmic coincidence, or somewhat just an ordinary thing that would happen to everyone, I didn’t know, how would I?

It’s absolutely about nothing. Nothing at all. Except that I dream about that almost every night, and say those prayers to God every time. Really, worries aren’t necessary, who could care?

Sometimes the best thing I could ever do is wait and keep it all inside. What’s so rush, what’s so hurry. We’re all young and today is not the end. There’ll be mountains and rainbows and stones and melodies and memories up ahead. We all will change, not ever we’ll be the same. In five years, in ten… we’ll be someone we never thought we’d be.

It’s a good day, indeed, though. When I thought that I’ll be sitting and I’ll be waiting, that’s actually what you did. Better than expected.